it pains me every time I lay still
   and listen to my thoughts
I run from the silence
   it echoes my thoughts
I  turn to the music
   to drown my own hymn
but my soul’s drumming
   battles with the radio’s rhythm
it was a struggle
   going on and on… and on
nauseating, drowning.

it stabs me
   every step I take
I try to run
  but the stabs… the stabs are aching.
and my feet,
my  feet are weary and refusing…
I have to run
  and if  I couldn’t, I have to scream 
But I couldn’t mount a voice
  No voice to disperse the stabbing threat
All I could, is quietly cry
  Let me out, let me out
Pleading, bleeding.

and I ask everyday
   why do you shut me out
and I wait everyday
   in relentless pain
knowing there will be no answer.
silencing, deafening.

you were that imaginary elf friend…
walking away
going back to your world
to claim thy crystal of  charm

I shout out in the woods
but you didn’t turn your back

I said quietly,
let the crystal
sparkle in your life;
gather back the trust
you scattered in the fields
you once wearily toiled…
let the crystal
mirror your life
and bring forth youth;
let the eerie laughter
sweetly abound
synching with thy heart’s festive beat

for my friend…
In my quiet,
I loved you that way
and wished you that sweetness
even if I only knew you
by your quiet poking in air
I wished you well
the only way I could
for it is—
that your life was a fantasy
that I couldn’t reach your quiet springs
I couldn’t touch the blooms of the gardens that you tended
and couldn’t understand
the uncertainty of the mountains you wished to traverse

I am on earth, shaken by earthen troubles
implanted to my land…
As you go
I search for a trace of you that’s real
And yes,
I remember quite clearly
You etched a part of you on
that flowing rainbow
after a cool day’s drizzle
You were playing the colors of the air
in hope and purity
for in your world you touch it
you weave it…

in mine
all I wish is to see you shine through.

walk away my friend
seek the crystal my world could not witness
and shine through.

supreme emptiness
that’s what i took into my hands
of deepest emptiness
if emptiness ever did have its dimensions.

i was filled up with that world
of elven mystique
of simple joys
of intimate charms

overwhelming, fleeting
a touch of bliss
a touch of being, of living

to commit
to be vulnerable
to dance the way of the world.

i feared it all
i feared to hurt him
who patiently cared
i feared to have him and lose him

for i lose sight
of what love is
for i forget
its ways and wonders.

I let it go
I let it free.

I just don’t know how to be
I lost how to be.

in the day
I was of strength
I was of playful will
who could see no light
but the majestic sun
that I couldn’t touch

but you,
you are special.

Thou was the warmth on my face
as your wick burns
as I see you in gentle, sweeping light
swinging, dancing
you let me see the world
in a different plight
cradling in the mystic of unbound safety
with you
just you watching me

at the end
never have I seen you
as you turn the wick out
or the harsh wind calls it off
as you blend in the dark
never within reach

it was my wish for you to be there
that consumed you
it was my delight of you
that made you weep
your soul
and reach to your bottom

how do I bring you back
to your whole
when I bleed
for your flickering?

how do I bring me back
to my strength
when I just bleed?

in the day
thy majesty shall pale
in the light of the sun.

unveil this night
and never light up.

save me.
for you.

what is allodynia?

and it was soft…
almost unheard

it was a goodbye
a deepened loss
gently, sweetly, kindly

no tears dropped
no blaming
just peaceful recouping
just quiet acceptance

just hurt
without anybody doing the hurting
just goodbye
with everybody promising to be there

too soft to be heard
too deep not to be felt.

what is anosmia?

it was a dream
a good good one
surreal
fast
blurry personas
ideal
transient
intangible
incoherent

that absorbing escape
that lifts from mortality
unknown powers
unexplored dimensions
without conformity
without laws

it was just
what it is

and now I wake up
smell the flowers
smell the coffee
just…
smell the world.
real real world.

Just like that
And you smile
as if breathing needed your smiling
That darting joy without apparent meaning
You let go of vision
You forget for one moment
That soon it will all be done.
Surely the day’s agony is nothing
The unrest cultured, washed away
All because of the cluttered little things
The spin, the twitch, the laugh
The principle, the passion, the power.
Suddenly, it was nothing about you.
You melt in the spinning
You feel alive with the twitching
You smile with the laughter
And you never said anything.
It was all feeling.

How could one lose it in a moment
Just to get weary and lose the losing.
How could one let the moment rule
Without fearing…

It is the reign of bliss.
Just how could one let it reign?

the resuscitation of the never-been-revived as I remember it

You didn’t believe
You could clear the way
You could breathe the life back
You could push the beating back
You could bring the warmth back.
But you did go on
Without knowing why
Or pretending not to know why
You wore the whites
To be the grace, the savior
Limp. Lifeless. Lost.
And it was done
It was the wailing of a woman
Who birthed the child
Of doom, of winding agony
Of the guilt, of the shock
You gave the life
You took it away
It was the anger of the supposed savior
Suspecting, unknowing
Commanding and failing.
Limp. Lifeless. Lost.
It’s time to move on.
Breathe.

to hold on to oneself
and grow thee within,
to bleed vulnerability
and need protection,
as it grows
as the light caresses it
you reach out to a tinge of even a vile soul
that hurt you
that will hurt you more
till your vessels shoot in pressure
till your lungs obfuscate the world,

to hold on to the eternal disappointment
of not bearing the load
is trusting the untrustworthy
and it is in this, that you lose respect
of youself and the undeserving poison.
And you’ll have to pass it out, sooner or later
As you let go…
you bleed
to death, to your life
whatever, just let go.
be monitored, be rested, be cleansed.

so at the end of the day, they ask:
ANONG POINT?

Ang kyawa. *Bow*