Misery loves company… and when there’s just too much misery… misery might just be able to invent company.

He’s gone. I know. He’s been gone for a long time. I thought it was just a physical separation at first. I cushioned the blows by thinking that we were both just being brave. He was being brave to go beyond the hurt for a greater good. I was being brave and supportive of his courage to get back what he lost… because it is the right thing… and doing the right things will make me happy. I believed our unity was so real and it will take time to recover from breaking that. How real it was… I explained elaborately in my head. There were reasons for every action and where there is no reason there is human fallibility. Time paints the colors of how elaborate I explained them to be. Time again has let the drama wash away… and the etches left were quite simple. The boy speaks for itself. He is just simply gone.

The basic lesson of medicine does apply… the rule of parsimony. I was right the first time. He was just trapped in sadness and hurt. And I was just stupidly in love. That’s it. No soulmates. No tortuous explanations.

And now he is happy. No misery there.

And I just wish
I could dance awkwardly again
And fall, and feel trapped
and just drown in the sound of that heart’s gallop.

But it’s gone.